Overview – remastered and brought to modern platforms by Limited Run Games, Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties: Definitive Edition is a full restoration of the legendary bad game from the 3DO. Enjoy the adult focused “romantic comedy”, which was brought back into the limelight via the power of the internet and the Kusoge (crap game) community. This title is available on all platforms, with a link to each version of the game at the bottom of this review.
Disclaimer: before I get into the review, I would like to thank Limited Run Games for providing the copy of Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties: Definitive Edition that was used for this piece, via the Keymailer service. The provision of this software has not influenced the contents of this review, all thoughts and opinions contained within are my own.
Now with the introductions out of the way, let’s get into the review. This title is not so much of a game, but an interactive story, so I will be combining the story and gameplay segments together. I will also be calling the game P.D.W.T for the sake of brevity. Please note, images used are taken from official sources.
Gameplay – P.D.W.T is an interactive movie, promoted as an FMV (Full Motion Video) game, but the majority of the experience is presented as a slideshow. This new iteration of the game starts with a new intro, featuring actress and Pro Wrestler Jeanne Basone (who plays Jane in the game), along with an optional developer interview discussing the game and its impact. After this, players can Jump straight into the “action” of Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties.
There isn’t a great deal of actual gameplay with this release, as 99% of the “game” is just looking at the images on screen and listening to the actors delivering their lines. The only real interaction with the main part of this release is selecting story options, like choose your own adventure books. After selecting one of the options, the next “scene” will play out, with either a positive or negative outcome depending on the choice.
The basic premise is to make the right decisions presented to the player, so that the two lead characters of John and Jane can end up together. John is being harassed by his mother to marry a nice girl she has chosen, while Jane’s father wants grandchildren from her. There is an attempt to make this challenging by putting lurid and questionable choices in front of the player. The actors deliver hammy dialogue over the still images for the story.
There are a few different branching storylines, with the chance for several dead ends to occur. Some of the decisions will result in commentary from one of the narrators, who will chastise the player for the decision that they have made. If enough poor choices have been made to reach a bad end, the player will be given the option to return to the beginning of the game or make another choice. Choices will also be given an arbitrary score when made.
When the player restarts the game after making it all the way to the end of the story, a chapter select will be unlocked. This allows players to see all of the branches of the story, allowing them to replay the scenes that they want to see. Scenes that have already been viewed, can be skipped and sped up, so players can get to the unseen content faster. The entire story and the additional scenes can be done in less than an hour.
Away from the main game, there is an extensive gallery and set of bonus content on offer. This is made up of all stills from the game, deleted/unused images and bonus video content. The player will unlock the gallery images as they play the game, but the other bonus material needs to be earned in a more interactive way. Once all content has been unlocked, players will be able to freely enjoy over 3 hours of bonus material that has been included.
In order to obtain the bonus content for this, players will need to take on the challenge of Plumb the Depths, a 3D maze in the style of the classic FPS DOOM. In this mode, players must navigate through a dungeon, buying videos and special unlockable censor images. To buy the items, players must use Plumbucks, which are given by just playing the main “game”. The bonus content is added to the dungeon, by clearing each of the scenes in the story.
But this isn’t a simple task, as the player will be chased throughout the maze by Thresher, a character from the story. If the player makes contact with him, they will get a game over and need to start again or go to the main menu. Thresher can be fought off by collecting plungers and shooting him with them, but only three can be carried at a time. These plungers are limited so once they are all gone, all you can do is run.
The bonus video content that can be unlocked includes commentary, discussions and interviews. This makes for an interesting and entertaining look into the past for this game, as those involved discuss the game and what it means. The deleted scenes and image galleries round out the bonus content, allowing users to view the materials used to make the game, there is even a snippet of the original script that can be viewed.
Now with the gameplay covered, it is time to discuss the other aspects of this release, starting with the controls.
Controls – the main body of the game is very limited in control, with the only inputs being to make choices and skip/replay the current scene. Then there is the first person dungeon maze, which uses a very basic twin stick control scheme. This works rather well, as it is essentially a very limited port of the DOOM engine, with all of the standard controls. The menu navigation work well, and in general there are no complaints from a control perspective.
Difficulty – there is nothing in terms of challenge to P.D.W.T, with the only difficulty being if you are able to listen to terrible quality of the sound at times. The only thing that could be seen as a challenge, is finding all of the unlockables in the dungeon without being caught. It is not a long game either, with the potential to get the platinum trophy (or full Gamerscore on XBOX) in a couple of hours just by playing the game.
Presentation – visually, there has been some changes to the way the P.D.W.T looks. There has been the implementation of A.I. upscaling for the images, but the original images can be used instead. The sound is still as low quality as the original, with hammy voice acting and music that has the ability to make your ears bleed. The menus and dungeon have a distinct 90s style to them, which has been implemented well, giving them a nostalgic feel.
Final Thoughts – I have known of this game for a long time, having heard whispers of it being a legendary crap game and the video by James Rolfe (the Angry Video Game Nerd). But I was also aware of the historical impact of the game, as it is one of those titles that would be impossible to make today. So when I was given the chance to cover this I just had to take it. This isn’t a long game, or even a good game, but it is culturally significant.
Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties, is not a masterpiece of game design, but is important to people in the community, so the effort that was put into it and the bonus content is appreciated. The game is so easy, you can “play it” with one hand while multi-tasking. I don’t recommend it for everyone, but if you want to experience a legendary bad game, learn more about the history and impact of P.D.W.T or are a fan of the original, this is for you.
In the end, I can’t give Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties: Definitive Edition a final score, as it isn’t so much a game, but a piece of interactive history. The game itself is still as terrible and lacklustre as it ever was, but the addition of missing images, bonus video content and dungeon mini game, make this a significant release in terms of gaming history and infamy. If you want to check this release a link to each version is below.
Link to PlayStation version (HERE)
Link to Nintendo Switch version (HERE)
Link to Xbox version (HERE)
Link to G.O.G version (HERE)
W.Kohaku Media 