Gaming Oddities – Muscle March (WiiWare)

Hello and welcome to a new feature for the site, where I will be discussing the more unusual titles in the weird and wacky world of gaming. This will be covering releases that were considered strange, odd and flat out weird. In this first entry in a new series, I will be discussing Muscle March, a WiiWare release from Bandai Namco back in 2009/2010. So please join me as we take a look at this wacky action game about bodybuilders and protein powder.

About the game

Muscle March is a mix of action and puzzle, where the player selects one of seven bodybuilders from a colourful cast of characters. These include Radimov, a Russian punk with a Mohawk and headphones, Brenda, a British muscle girl with pigtails and Rossi, the Norwegian bodybuilding polar bear. There are two gameplay modes for this game, Arcade, which is a single player challenge and endless rush, the multiplayer party mode.

In the Arcade mode, there are three challenges that can be chosen. These are split into the City (easy), Village (medium) and Station (hard), with three stages for each. During each run, the gameplay loop is pretty simple but a lot of fun. A thief has stolen the sacred protein powder, with the perpetrator being chased by a group of the bodybuilders. The group will be random for each stage, making each attempt different.

During a stage, the objective is easy to understand. As the thief tries to escape, the player and their three companions chase them in a line, with the target breaking through walls. Each time they smash through an obstacle, a shape will be left behind that they have to match. There are four poses that the player will use, requiring the player to move the Wii remote and Nunchuck, using the motion controls to match the hole in the wall.

With every successful pass, the combo counter will increase. But if the player fails to match the shape, they will take damage and lose a stamina heart. When all 5 stamina hearts are lost, the game will be over and the player must try again. As the stage progresses, the other bodybuilders will be eliminated, dropping out of the chase with the speed increasing. When all other characters have been taken down, the final phase occurs.

In this final phase, it is only the thief and player character, with the speed increased significantly. This requires faster reaction speeds to catch up with the target. When the player reaches a long open stretch, they will be able to dash to try and catch the protein powder bandit. To succeed at the capture, the player will need to shake the Wii-mote and Nunchuck rapidly. If the player can reach the target, they will take them down and clear the stage.

However, if the player is unable to catch them, the wall breaking phase will continue until the player reaches an open chase phase again. The first two characters are tied to the theme of the stage, with the City having an alien invader, alongside the Village featuring the Demon King Nobunaga.  The different characters are odd, but the most unusual is the Boss that appears in all areas, the all-powerful Mech-Muscle in his blue body suit.

Once all the stages of an area have been cleared, the player character and the thieves will do a little dance to celebrate. Then the Muscle God will judge the performance for the stages, giving a rank based on how well the player did. This ranking system is reminiscent of love testers, with 12 possible ratings. The lower ranks have Dainty, Skinny and lean, with the higher ranks having Macho, Buff and Ripped, further adding to the silliness of play.

The Arcade mode is the main core of the gameplay, but the Endless mode is a really fun challenge. In this mode, the player is tasked with passing through as many shapes as possible. This high score challenge starts off slow at first, but as the player successful clears the walls, the speed will increase. During an endless run, the player will have three stamina hearts, ending the run when all are lost. In multiplayer, all players take turns to try and set the best score.

Player Thoughts

I came across Muscle March way back during the life cycle of the Wii, being confused, bewildered and entertained by the absurdity of it. But over the years, I have gained a true appreciation for the sheer ridiculousness of it. There is such a lack of creative and surreal games that are there to entertain, making this game perfect to rework for the Nintendo Switch. Especially given the enhanced gyro controls and emphasis on motion inputs.

The arcade mode is challenging and fun, with plenty of content in what would be considered a budget title. During play, the motion controls work really well, being snappy and responsive making for an easy to play game. I have been playing it off and on for years, with regular revisits to the game when that itch to play something weird hits. All of the silly mechanics and ridiculous characters made it stand out from many of the WiiWare offerings of the time.

Sadly this game is now considered abandonware, as it was delisted during the Wii shop closure back in 2019. Due to the game being a WiiWare release, the only way you can access it now is through downloading it illegally, or getting a Wii with it already installed. Thankfully there is a good amount of preservation that has occurred with Wiiware games, so you may be able to find it yourself. It does work with emulators, but the best way to play is with official hardware.

It is unfortunate that this game has all but been lost, as it is one of those strange and unusual released that needs to be experienced. The surrealism to the game, the slapstick comedy and the general humor that is implemented makes it a unique title. Games like Muscle March are part of that special club, where they are so odd and gain so much notoriety that they gain a cult following. I just hope that Bandai Namco will be willing to bring it back for Nintendo Switch 2.

In the end, I think you should check this game out if you can. It is a surreal experience that needs a modern re-release on the current generation of hardware, as I feel there is a severe lack of new and creative games that embrace the weird parts of gaming.

If you like the content I put out, please check out the other works that I have put out. I write in-depth reviews of games, as well as plans for more gaming oddities and other side content. So stay around and see if something catches your eye.